This Tragedy, That I'm A Part Of;
No one's going to read this so I can write anything I want. Let me start with my Saturday morning. I didn't sleep a minute. I stayed up the whole night worrying about her. In the morning, went to puteri to cut my hair. The barber wasn't there. Went to IOI mall. I stayed in the car. She called and asked if I could fetch her home. I was willing to sacrifice my time at Jing Her's house just to fetch her home. I'll get back to that later. So on, Clarence called me. Asked if I could pick him up from his house. Of course I said yes. Went home. Played DotA for awhile and left to pick Clarence up. Arrived at his house and picked him up along with Derrick. Arrived at Jing Her's house. This is where the real story begins:
Got out of the car. Went upstairs to wish Jing Her a Happy Birthday !- I was in a good mood at that time- Saw her. Waved. She wasn't in the happiest of moods. Went downstairs to get some food. Went back up. She was sitting there. She was fucking sad. I was sad the moment I saw her sad. I asked her why. She said it was nothing. I left her alone at that time. Then, Mother Fucker, Brandon Chew pulled her out. She was willing to talk to him. I felt like breaking somebodys' face. Seriously, if you've loved a girl for four fucking years, you'll understand where I'm coming from. Talked to Siew Hock for about half-an-hour. He's the most experienced guy I've ever met. He's been through the same thing I've been through. He told me to just fuck it and go for her. I really wanted to listen to him. He told me that if Brandon Chew was really going for her, he'd help me fucking backstab him. I mean, come on man. I've been friends with Brandon Chew for 3 years now. He was the first one to know I was in love with her. He didn't *(give me face) Went back in, chugged afew glasses of Chivas and cried on the couch. I was at the verge of breaking down and punching everyone I saw. My knuckles are pretty messed up now. I punched the wall till I got afew cuts.
Talked to Claire and Carissa after, it was just to release some steam. I told Carissa about my story, the one about me loving her for four years. I told Stanley too. Everyone was in a fucking bad mood. I felt like scolding each and everyone of them. Come on, it's your friends birthday. At least show some fucking respect. Saw her again. I texted her earlier. Asked her to meet me upstairs. I was going to confess to her. Yet again my plan was foiled by Brandon Chew. he talked to her till she didn't want to go anywhere else. They were in the fucking same room. Alone. Just the both of them. I wanted to fucking break down that door and break his face with my fist. Still, I didn't do anything. I just sat on the couch upstairs and cried and cried again and again. I've got nothing more to say. I'm just in a damn fucked up mood.
Let me express again, how FUCKING MAD I AM. I MEAN COME ONE ! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH THE GIRL I'VE LOVED FOR FOUR YEARS AND SHE'S NOT ALL THAT INNOCENT. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TELL ME ANYTHING. I STAY UP COUNTLESS NIGHTS THINKING. WHAT THE FUCK IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I HADN'T MET HER. I STARTED SMOKING, DRINKING AND FIGHTING BECAUSE OF HER. SHE FUCKED ME UP AND WILL STILL CONTINUE TO FUCK ME UP FOR THE COMING YEARS. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I JUST, I JUST CAN'T GET OVER YOU. AT LEAST TELL ME YOU DON'T LIKE ME OR THAT YOU HATE ME. SO THAT I CAN GO ON WITH MY FUCKING LIFE. REALLY, I DO HOPE YOU SEE THIS. I HOPE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. I'M MAD AT MYSELF. SO PLEASE DO TELL ME, Sheila Lee.
To those that fucked me over, FUCK YOURSELVES
Ian Goh
